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#Day 1.. or at least it is.

2010-11-01T11:33:00.000-07:00

Being a final year law student, there are certain classes which requires me to be in full formal attire. It was a disaster; I had to take a deep breath and pull my pants' button together and it really does feel like the button might just pop out with such force and all of a sudden someone might really just get hurt from that. I bought those clothes when I was at my fitness peak at 63kgs so imagine I gained 10kgs ever since. I can't even take a deep breath without feeling like my shirt is choking me.

From that, I have two choices: to get a new wardrobe which will not be possible considering I'm broke now, OR to go on an diet plan.

BUT, needless to say that it is never easy to try to kick start and maintain that plan you made.

I think everyone comes to this point when they are on a weight loss plan. We often tell ourselves that it's fine to eat now and leave the diet for tomorrow; NO IT'S NOT OKAY TO SAY THAT.

Instead of the mentality that you WILL get it done and achieve your goal someday, think instead that it starts now and today. There really is no thinking of tomorrow.

I tried to recall my effective and successful weight loss regime back then and the real trick here isn't about not eating; trust me, it backfires that way. It will never work. I resort to 6 'small' meals a day and despite the fact that certain experts do recommend that you stick with just 3 well balanced meal a day BUT we all know its hard to fight the crave for food.

My plan? Go for 3 well balanced meal and snack in between with small meals. My 3 well balanced meal will of course include food that is high in protein and of course.. the mother of all diet rules: NO SIMPLE CARBS & NO FRYING e.g. white rice, white bread, sugar and all the delicious frying etc etc etc etc etc etc.

Yes, I know. It's literally saying don't eat anything outside. I had a hard time eating out with friends. Especially when mamak is quite the only economical choice available here around campus area. All I really did eat were eggs and plain water when I eat out.

Eating at home is the better choice when you can swap all those simple carbs for something more complex like brown rice or wholemeal. Though sometimes I find myself a tad too busy to prepare anything at all but hey, even if its those eggs with some simple green is a meal.

... and of course, LOTS OF EXERCISE. Hence why gym is starting today. Today marks day #1; or at least I'm trying to kick start it.

p.s. I'm sure there never will be another post saying that its Day 1 again.

The 14 weeks diet plan.

2010-10-18T12:00:00.000-07:00

When I got on the weighing scale last week, I weigh 73kgs. Almost the weight I was before I started dieting coupled with rigorous exercise. I went from 75kgs to 61kgs in less than 12 weeks, went on to declare victory after the Standard Chartered half-marathon and POOF*, I started blooming like a hot air balloon again.

Lesson learned here? Never make dieting and healthy lifestyle a goal which you can achieve and declare victory on; make it a change of lifestyle. It's a lifelong battle, a never-ending one.

I don't remember where the motivation came from but I just did. It was a short lived victory. I looked nicer in clothes, I had more confidence and I even went on to shop for a couple dozen clothes which is now hugging my body as if the buttons' gonna explode and not to mention the struggle to button my pants!

I've decided to make a change. Change of lifestyle. It's either I get a new wardrobe or I get back to my healthy ways.

It's going to be an uphill battle trying to shake off certain eating habits I've picked up thinking I won't be fat again when I was at 61kgs. I started taking in sugar, I indulge in beer, I went from low-fat milk to full-cream milk, I don't even bother eating tons of simple-carbs in one meal and not to mention super-sizing my Value Meal when visiting Mcdonalds almost every week which means more fries!

Today marks Day 1 @ 73+kgs.

Attempt to eat sensibly was a failure today due to the fact that some friends decided to do some cook in gathering dinner. The rendang was too good to resist. Forgive me; I know I've sinned.

BUT exercise was good. Went for water rafting and 2 hours of badminton!

I need to hit the gym soon after this whole record breaking thing with the rafting. 4 times a week. NO excuses and failure is NOT an option!

p.s. Which is better? Sugar+tea+lowfatmilk OR tea+FullCreamMilk. Enlighten me anyone?

#14

2010-04-29T09:24:00.000-07:00

I hate #14. Don't ask me why. No reason to it.
I just dislike that number for really no particular reason at all.

I hate the way you breathe because its annoying.
I hate the way you're so pretentious at times.
I hate the way you're being so stingy with everything.
I hate the way you always say 'NO' when I ask you to marry me.
I hate you when you pull that pretentious smile and say 'I'm fine'.
I hate you when you tell me you're trying.
I hate it when I miss you so much.
I hate the fact that you seem so far away.
I hate the fact that I have to wait another 329 days just to get a hug from you.
I hate it when you cry.
I hate you even more when you cry and you're not telling me why.
I hate the fact that you're not telling me anything at all.
I hate the way I long to be near you.
I hate it most when I cant be near you.

BUT despite all the above; I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close. Not even at all.

I hate the fact that I love you so that I don't hate you at all.

February 8th was a Monday.

2010-03-24T10:55:00.000-07:00

Have you ever came across a moment when everything around seem to freeze itself? And that moment, that little fraction of seconds all of a sudden felt like minutes. Then as it pass you by, came the aftermath of those fraction of seconds replaying itself in your mind?

Just close your eyes; and look deep into your mind for a moment, look for the last time you had such heartfelt, lasting memory of something. Was it something that made you happy? Or was it something that made you cry? Does it draw anger or does it draw a smile on your face? Or could it be sadness or grief?

There's only a few possible scenario that such could occur; firstly you saw something extremely disturbing; or something you would want to remember like making a mental note on something you must do. But the mind often works in a funny way when the more you want to remember that particular something, the more it seems to slip away from your mind; but certain memories are so heartfelt its there to stay.

Take for example my first ride on a bicycle which left me with a scar for years. Most memories from childhood are vague if not nonexistent but as you grow, your brain learns to store these memories and certain memories stay for good. Some have no lasting memories at all where you remember it at the back of your head only when you come across something that reminds you of it; scent of her perfume, sound of her voice, similar occurrence of events.

Certain moments are recorded so clearly in the mind as if it happened seconds ago; with perfect details of every little thing from colour of clothes she was wearing, movement of certain objects/subjects, surroundings, etc.

Everyone have a certain few memories that reminds them of something. It may be intended, or unintended; but most came unintended and they happen when you least expect them to. It is randomness in play. Life is random after all.

and Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life.
February 8th was a Monday.

Wish List.

2010-03-12T18:46:00.000-08:00

my #1 on the list; a Braun coffee maker.

I'm thinking the coffee maker is too much. I think this Bodum french press would be more appropriate; for now at least.

a perfect fitting Brioni suit.

a perfect fit shirt.

a cashmere scarf.

and oh, Rain's body in Ninja Assassin movie. :P

when I own all the above; my life will be complete. BUT we're designed to have more wants when we have what we need; and even more wants when we get what we want. Nothing is ever enough; but we only get what we give. Greed is good in a way. It makes the world goes round. ;)

Now Reading : Malcolm Gladwell : What the Dog Saw.

2010-03-02T13:08:00.000-08:00

Malcolm Gladwell may well be one of my favorite writers around. A staff writer for the New Yorker, author of four best-sellers: The Tipping Point, Blink, Outliers and What the Dog Saw. I've heard his works quoted in university lectures, sermons in church, seminars and being topic of conversations among friends at times.

I fell in love almost instantly the moment I picked up Outliers and had since bought all his books. Perhaps it's his way of putting how and what success is made of in Outliers that fascinates me. It is indeed something we may already well know of but being refined and put together in one piece by Gladwell himself in his own words backed by his research and stories which he went extensively to dig, is what really making his books an interesting read.

In Outliers, he wrote about how success could not be possibly made by man themselves but through a certain set of circumstances which is to say a certain event of opportunity happening at the right time and place coupled with talents and hard work is what actually brought the likes of Bill Gates, Oppenheimer, Mozart or the Beatles all the way to the top. Talent alone won't bring you to the top, likewise events of opportunity alone won't bring you to the top without that extra hard work.

Bill Gates did not found Microsoft without any hard work or just pure talent in programming; he had access to computers when it used to cost a fortune, he also had access to thousands of hours of programming time throughout his teenage time when only a hand-full of really fortunate people had such privilege.

The Beatles did not became famous overnight through some promotional giant company bringing them to fame. They had thousands of hours of performance throughout a span of 2 years together at some strip club in Hamburg.

Both examples above had something Gladwell termed as the 10,000 hours rule; both Bill Gates and the Beatles had 10,000 hours of hard work which of course led to their success today. Gladwell simply put to us that hard work plays an important role in success. A person with talent in music will go nowhere without hard work; a person with a million opportunities will go nowhere without that effort.

The above was just one of many Gladwell's story of success. And in What the Dog Saw, he did not write about success but more of random stories on random events; Gladwell discussed about ketchup, birth control pills, dog whisperers, hair dyes, pitchmen, etc etc. These may well be some random objects, events or people we come across everyday but yet he manage to show us a side of story of such which we have all never heard of or thought of them that way. Even though there were some draggy chapters discussing about the difference between panicking and choking (do we really care?) and the part where he wrote about cancer and mammograms which was actually confusing when you have little or no knowledge of such medical condition at all; BUT overall, it is an interesting read if not a must read. A mind challenging book that will certainly provide you that WOW-factor and instill a whole new perception towards certain subjects. Though I must say my favorite book will still be the Outliers. Gladwell never fails to entertain and surprise from one book to another.

When the lights go out.

2010-02-23T01:49:00.001-08:00

My 2010 did kick off with a blast. Too much party I must say and now when it's time to get back to life's responsibilities, the holiday mood still seem to linger around; in other words, I feel lazy -______-. But the awesome part is that it was Chinese New Year, which is quite the only time most friends get together in one place and this year's gathering at Adeline's had been quite a tradition for us for more than half a decade and it marks 10 years of our friendship. What can I say people? We had been awesome. 10 years is a milestone; and I am sure this group gathering will only get bigger and crazier in years to come. ;)

Boys Gone Wild.

The family :) and for those who are missing being overseas, we feel you. ;)

Even though it's just 2 months into 2010, but a lot had been going on and to cut a long story short: Life had been awesomeness. Apart from that financial crunch I am facing, everything is good thus far :). AND also this tummy that came back from my uncontrolled consumption of alcohol and not to mention late night supper plus Mum's cooking.

Now that the holiday season had ended, it's really time to get back into a strict diet and prepare for my marathon in June. I am extremely out of shape now; don't even mention a marathon, I don't think I can even go for 5kms without blowing my lungs out. I MUST RUN IN SINGAPORE THIS YEAR. No matter what. I'm getting that finisher's medal! and for that I must be fit enough in June to prepare for the real run at the end of the year. But the thing is, I've lost that motivation I used to have to run.
Miss Motivation, where are you? I need you. :/

On another random something: I'm out of words to actually tell the whole thing here or should I just say I don't feel like actually exposing myself here; either way I'm lost at words. This might be a bit dull, but I'll let these random lyrics tell a story (and p.s. I am not emo at all);

I've got another confession to make; I'm your fool.

I came to see the light in my best friend
You seemed as happy as you'd ever been
My chance of being open was broken
And now you're Mrs. him.
My words they don't come out right
But I'll try to say I'm happy for you.

"I'm here for you," she said and we can stay for awhile,
my boyfriend's gone, we can just pretend.
Lips that need no introduction
Now who's the greater sin.

Your drab eyes seem to invite
(tell me darling) Where do we begin.
Was this over before it ever began?
Your kiss, your calls, your clutch
Like the devil's got your hand
This was over before it ever began
Your lips, your lies, your lust
Like the devil's in your hands.

I fell in love with your sin; you littlest sin.

You gave me something that I didn't have.

My heart is under arrest again, But I'll break loose.
My head is giving me life or death, But I can't choose.
I swear I'll never give in; I refuse.

I never wanted to love you, but that's ok
I always knew that you'd leave me anyway
But darling when I see you, I see me.

Its alright I never thought that I could feel this something
Rising, rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again.

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last.

And I can't change this,
I can never take it back,
But now I can't change your mind.

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done.
To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do.

And every night I miss you I can just look up
and know the stars are holdin' you tonight.

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

You were the last good thing
We're going down, down in an earlier round
And sugar, we're goin' down swinging.

p.s. One night and one more time; Thanks for the memories.

2010 : A new chapter, A new beginning.

2010-02-01T01:53:00.000-08:00

2010 marks a new chapter. Another interesting chapter yet in life.

It wasn't easy when an 8 years long relationship fell apart because of reasons I wish not to reveal here; and it surely wasn't easy as well when I failed my first ever major examinations throughout my entire life; it wasn't easy when I incurred such heavy debt from my lack of financial planning and impulses in certain areas of spending.

BUT I do believe all that couldn't be the worst life could have in store. Surely I've made some wrong decisions here and there which led to all the said events but I do believe I learn a lot from all that. BUT still, I refuse to let them bring me down knowing being happy is definitely way much better than sulking and being stuck up in that gloominess.

I've yet to really sit down and plan my resolutions this year but I roughly do have a handful of plans in mind.

1. Run the Standard Chartered Half-Marathon within 2 hours 30 minutes.
2. Run the Singapore Standard Chartered Marathon within 6 hours.
3. Build a body like Gerard Butler's in 300.
4. Start studying like a normal person and no last minute thingy.
5. Fix my guitar and learn a few songs.
6. Be happy.
7. Stay Happy.
8. etc etc etc etc etc and etc

1 and 2 is a must do but I'll have to consider how busy things will get for 2. 3 is a bit unrealistic though; I'm not saying it's impossible but surely I won't be able to carve out something like Gerard Butler's with so much life responsibilities to tend to apart from gym. 4 is something I HAVE TO DO to bring my suffering grades up due to my last minute study habit which of course isn't healthy at all. 5 is my long lost passion towards music which I never really got too serious with at all but I want to pick that rusty guitar up, service it and learn to play a few songs with it before I leave it to collect dust again. 6 is something I've been trying to do for the past 11 months or so and though at a very slow pace but I have to say I'm slowly putting myself back in one piece and life had never been better ;). 7 is where I have to keep this mood going. We all know that life is good. Why sad when you can be happy? ;) 8 is all the little things I want to do.

Cheers to 2010.

Being busy means you're living life.

2009-11-23T23:52:00.001-08:00

I've been busy. This time around when I say busy I don't really mean that I'm busy with work or in that sense. I had an awesomeness weekend :). It's like I have the tune of Paolo Nutini's These Street looping inside my head singing "Life is good and the girls are gorgeous, suddenly the air smells much greener now.".

Life is really good and the girls are really gorgeous too. grins**

Friday night was routine dinner with course-mates in a South American grill restaurant Pampas@Changkat Road and I swear they serve the biggest portion of sirloin ever! Sorry, no pics for this one. Now I realize that we don't take pictures during these dinner outings & I was too hungry to snap a photo of my humongous piece of meat.

Right after the dinner I headed straight to Joo's place which happens to be nearby around Bukit Bintang for a wine-cheese-vodka-olive-and-chips session with Joo, SiaoLin & this Taylors College's lecturer whose name I think was Sean or something that sounded like 'Tau Sien'. Sorry for the bad memory.

We were having German Riesling which according to the wine 'experts' are the best Riesling around. We then proceeded with some heavier reds with cheese which again according to the wine 'experts' that the cheese brings this awesome after taste when consumed together. I can only say I-dun-geddit-at-all after numerous attempt trying to taste the awesomeness they so alleged with the wine & cheese. Though I do like the Riesling but mainly its because it was sweet and not too dry compared to Chardonnays but they say that you'd only know how to appreciate wine if you finally do learn how to taste the awesomeness of bitter wines which is obviously an art I've yet to master because I still think beer rocks and bitter reds suck. After the red, we went on with something heavier and more casual: vodka and cranberry juice! Simple, nice and no need to look for that after taste appreciation that comes with cheese or whatever. Vodka rocks!

Went to Pavilion for lunch the next day and then there was Poppy with Bill & Co that night. It went on till 4a.m. in the morning. It's amazing how the bunch of us grow out of being alcoholics. Believe it or not, almost 10 of us lasted whole night with only 1 bottle of Chivas! God knows what stopped us from being heavy drinkers. I wouldn't state the obvious here when it comes to clubbing with Bill & Co. :P

I headed back straight after that and dropped dead on my bed; only to have to wake up again soon at 8a.m. for Emerge's Conference final day (No thanks to Jan for asking me to be there early and wait a whole 40 mins for her, I could've got myself some good quality sleep for 40 mins OK! :P).

If you're wondering what Emerge is; this is Emerge.

It's actually a church event by City Harvest Church. Looks more like a rock concert? Yeah. I know. It does. In fact it does feel like you're attending a rock concert only without the mosh pit. Emerge is like the church's Olympic that runs annually. It's open to public and it's not really restricted to only its church members. Divided into 4 clusters they are MINT (Metropolitan, Inti & Taylors University), SMU (Sunway & Monash University), LU (Local University) and VU (Various University). The clusters will compete in over 100 events and the winner will be announced based on their medal tally.

Needless to say it was awesome with Sunway Convention Center being fully packed with people. We happen to be sitting in the VU cluster area. We did not actually intend to support any clusters; it was by chance that we ended up there and we were given these round red cardboards which reads 'VU' to help with the cheering as the cluster with the best cheer and support will earn a Gold medal. We were pretty disappointed at first to end up in the VU area cuz VU is at that time last in place among the 4 clusters; and we couldn't change our seats as the seats throughout the hall are almost full cuz we were thinking 'if we want to cheer at least cheer for a team that is not last la'.

BUT things took a twist when they started to announce the winner for design competitions which was around 8 of them. VU swept almost all the golds there was and even some silver and bronze; immediately VU shot up to first place overtaking MINT! First announcement of VU winning gold, we cheered a little; second announcement, we cheered more; 3rd announcement, the people were starting to get excited and even the people who don't cheer before that started cheering; 4th announcement, they were cheering on their feet; 5th announcement, they were roaring! needless to say, the rest was crazy. All of a sudden VU was first; but still MINT won in the end when they announce the winner for Parade of Schools which I must say, their performance did left me in awe. Given more time for them to train with little bit more of improvement would've made me say that they're comparable to Diversity! In fact the whole Emerge left me in awe; the level of commitment the members put in; the atmosphere; the enthusiasm and everything else!

For a church to pull such an event; it really did amaze me. BUT for all those fancy stuff they're pulling; the money they're trying to raise; sometimes it makes you wonder if you're really attending a church or an organized group trying to rake in money through people's belief in God. The pastor that preaches that day is a pastor that lives in Orchard Road and Hollywood leading a posh life driving luxury cars with a Pop Star wife. A friend was saying that churches like this is too commercialize and wonders if its a church of God or is it an organization to earn money.

Just imagine the offerings people would give because of their belief and religion.
Say RM1 per person at the very least; and the church is generating at least RM2000 for each service; thats the minimum they would get discounting the fact that they're receiving offerings and donations from other sources and also 10% off the incomes of the more devoted and faithful members. AND this is only this church of around 2000 members in Malaysia. Imagine the church in Singapore with over 25000 members and each member donates as little as 1SGD per service; now you do the maths!

On another perspective though; on what basis can we deny the rights of a pastor to live a good life? Should all pastor live in poverty by donating all their property and income away for the betterment of the rest of the world? Can a church really plant faith in the people and carry out their good will without money? Can a church survive in this world without money when everything comes with a price tag? Can a church work for its cause without these offerings?
I believe the answer to all the above is NO.

Of course when it comes to issue of religion many would choose to keep their mouth shut even though there's such negative thoughts about it because it's such a sensitive issue that would raise provocation towards the people who believe; BUT still, no offense to the believers. I'm just saying that there's a possibility that there are people committing fraud through people's belief in religion in fact news like this are seen every now and then in the news. It remains nothing but a thought.

P.S. I signed up at True Fitness in Pavilion! Well, they have this promotion thingy going on where you can sign up for a mere 5 weeks in which my membership there expires right when my legal attachment ends. It's a pretty good deal I'd say. The equipments are awesome! My fav being the Assisted Chin Up machine! I can never chin or pull more than 10 before this and with this machine I can suddenly Chin Up and Pull Up easily and still look like you're putting in a lot of effort to do so! I know it's cheating.:D

Cheers to the days ahead. :)

2009-11-03T04:30:00.000-08:00

I've been busy lately. I know a lot of people wouldn't agree with this; as my friends would know I'm currently in the middle of my Legal Attachment in Kuala Lumpur Courts Complex.

***Googled photo.

Don't be jealous my fellow course-mates; that I work in a castle and you guys work in a cramped up law firm. :P dancing eyebrows* BUT I would give the world to swap places with you being given work than to be here in the court with nothing much to do. I know a lot of my course-mates out there are being used like Santa's elf doing submissions, filing, researches, traveling around picking up stuff, etc etc etc; while me and a few other colleagues are mostly spending our time loitering around in that massive courts complex, going to fancy places around KL for lunch and sleeping in its gigantic-library-that-no-one-visits.

It's amazing that some of these books were printed over 100+ years back!

There was even this time we attended to our supervisor as scheduled at 8:45a.m. and we were already free to go at 9a.m! BUT albeit all that, we're learning a lot! As our procedural subjects will only be taught in the 4th year and being a 3rd year student we basically know nuts about procedures hence the reason why every single thing we see is NEW! There's also some Senior Assistant Registrars who's very willing to teach and explain everything in details to us. We're placed with the criminal division this week where all the fun cases are. I saw a case yesterday where police impersonated as common people and set up a trade with some dealers for 12kgs of Cannabis. Reading the case file on how they made the trade and how they arrested them really make me feel like it's some movie script. Poor dudes they are really, if convicted they're heading straight to the gallows for that amount of drugs those impostor police ask to trade for.

Attachment in courts had been interesting thus far; being in the heart and center of the country and being the busiest city, you can surely expect endless interesting cases and litigation involving tens to hundreds of millions, civil litigation involving high profile individuals, sodomy, rape, incest, and even cases on animal buggery! According to one of my supervisor, "..the people here are smart, they sue at every wrong . Even the taxi drivers and mamak dudes are suing people!'.

First week into my attachment I've already met Karpal(NO, he's not the dog) & Gobindh Singh; second week we saw Lim Kit Siang; then there was Anwar Ibrahim and wife; MTV VJ and actor/actresses; and also prominent lawyers you normally see blabbering on the news or at least heard of their names if you do read the newspaper daily. Whatever cases, you name it; they have it. AND guess what; our supervisor told us he'll get us passes to attend Anwar's case next week! (the courtroom will normally be packed for cases like this and they require a pass for entry). I guess I shall stop these stories about my dull attachment; I'm guessing most people don't even know who and what I'm shitting about here.

Life's been awesomeness since the last time I blogged :). I look forward to go to work every morning despite the need to wake up at 6:30a.m. every weekdays; blending in to the working crowds in the court complex. I get a picture of my life right there which I know will be a tough one but I'm pretty much wanting it.

There's also parties, birthdays, church(I know I've been missing a lot lately Jan), movie marathons, drinking session, happy hours, gym; and I'm starting my running routines back again soon; hopefully. My 2009 resolution to run a full marathon in Standard Chartered Singapore failed miserably this year; but I will try to make up to it next year. There's just too much I want to do; but I have yet to kick start any of it BUT I'm really putting in effort :P. I even intend to join HSBC's Young Entrepreneur Awards with Crys but I have yet to really sit down and brainstorm for a catchy business idea that'll get us off the first round. Even this post took me ages to complete. Trust me when I say I've actually started the very first line of this post over 2 weeks ago but I've only got to finish it today because I told Ching I would update my blog. :)

MMU's Law Moot competition is also coming very very near! I'm guessing some people will be scratching their head and ask 'what-the-fuck-is-moot'? Well, its pretty similar to a debate; the difference is that moot is a simulation of a fictional court case dispute where there will be a plaintiff, defendant and lawyers which we'll be hiring to act as judges. I don't think I'll go far in this; and maybe I'll purposely lose the first round (I know I might not even have to do so on purpose. LOL). It's Company Law II & Land Law II next semester which I dare say the toughest subject throughout the course. Doubt I'll have much time for that moot thing or anything else. SIGH. May the force be with me this coming semester.

Christmas and New Year is creeping in again. I guess it can't be helped that I'm being bugged by memories from past Christmas when I'm expecting myself to be going through a lonely Christmas. There won't be cracking my head thinking what to buy for Christmas for her again; there won't be exchanging gifts at the strike of 12 on Christmas day; there won't be that sight of her priceless happy-anxious face of her unwrapping her gift anymore; there won't be counting down towards the New Year and be thankful that we've made it through another year.

It will be a lonely Christmas this year. To those who's going through the same, feel free to date me! :D So many things changed. It's been a really tough year. Everytime I look back, I'm amazed how I made it this far remembering how hard it was. Though it still is; but at the very least I'm living forward instead of backwards now. I'm looking forward to all life have in store for me :). Life is good. I don't want to spend it dwelling in the past and ask myself the what-might-have-been-s; because I have a whole future in my hands and I will make it good; I'm looking forward. :)

"Life is good, and the girls are gorgeous,
Suddenly the air smells much greener now."

P.S. I have a black eye now! Nothing too serious. I guess. Long story cut short; I was, according to the culprits to my black eye to be 'unlucky' that I'm in a very unfortunate position and situation dealing with them, who'd throw their fists around first before anything else. People can be really full of shit sometimes.

We are B.U.

2009-09-08T07:29:00.000-07:00

Sorry people, I'm yet to go through that 1000 pics from my Bangkok trip and filter them for my blog. And I'm too laz... no, 'busy' would be the much proper word; to blog about it considering it's a 7 days trip; but I'll do it sooner or later though.

Life is getting better as time passes. Yes, I'm not gonna be that emo anymore. DON'T give me that crappy look and that cynical smile. ESPECIALLY YOU CHEETAT. I know I've been so for the past months or maybe a year or so; but HEY, am I not smiling in all those pics I took with you guys? :D Whatever it is, I know days are getting better. It's time to wave goodbye to gloomy days and HELLO happy days! =)

I have to say, it's because of all these amazing people out there that life is good.

... maybe it's the happy vibes you guys bring when we're out there.

... or maybe it's because our friendship dates back to the ice age.

...maybe its the way we pose?

... or the way we always try so hard to be cute?

... maybe it's the way we make each other laugh when we get together.

... though there may be times we disagree with each other.

... or maybe its our 'intimacy'? :D

... or could it be that we love each other? LOL

... though we don't try to bang each other.

... maybe its because we stay together.

... and the way we always put effort to gather each and everyone of us.

... and get crazy together.

... maybe it's how well we get along.

...maybe it's how much we value our friendship.

... maybe I haven't told you guys this.

.. but I'm thankful each day that I have such amazing friends.

2009-04-20T10:47:00.000-07:00

"I believe the lives we live are the lives we make. Call it self-destiny, God's will, karma, good luck, bad luck, whatever. But when you finally sit down at the end of the day and look at yourself in the mirror - after you've been scrubbed away all the grime and makeup and truly see yourself and where you're at in this stage of life, without any pretense or the trappings of your outer facade- the reality of life hits you right in between the eyes"

"I believe that no matter how many mistakes we've made; how badly we've really, really screwed up; how old, worn out, or dejected we've become; as long as there is true steadfast ambition, all of us have an opportunity for greatness. We can all summon the courage to deal with issues, no matter how overwhelming; painful, or degrading, that may have plagued or even paralyzed us in the past- once and for all. With determination we can stretch beyond the everyday barriers to better ourselves."

"I believe that you do not have to have a multi-gazillion-dollar starched-white-collar career, become caught up in social lifestyles of the rich and the ridiculous, or have all the fame in the world so everyone knows you just so you can feel acknowledged, wanted, appreciated, and above all, loved."

“I have made my mistakes, screwed up really badly and at times have made the worst of choices. I’ve allowed myself to be compromised, knowing full well I was stupidly, needlessly, exposing myself. I have given away my trust with the best of intentions, whether in business or in my personal life, only to have my gestures seen as absolute signs of weakness. I’ve chased after things hoping to prove myself to those whom I knew looked down on me and probably always would, which only intensified my futile efforts all the more.

I know how it feels when no matter what you do, no matter how much you work and sacrifice, day in and day out, you begin to believe you’re never going to get ahead, that all your time and effort have been in vain. I know that at times responsibility, all that weight you balance on your shoulders become too much to bear, and all you want to do is run away from the world and simply disappear.
I know how it feels to have folks view you as something you’re not. I know how painful it feels not to fit in – to keep your head down, mouth shut, and eyes closed to everyday situations, living a hollow life, while all the time there’s another person, the real you, deep down inside, dying to speak your piece and burst through to live life on your terms.

I know firsthand what it is like to be nothing and have nothing to the point of being nonexistent. To be teased, unwanted, and beaten down until you have no physical or spiritual strength to open your eyes just to see where the next hit will land.

I know what it’s like to be used, where being degraded is a normal, everyday occurrence; to suffer from low esteem and perform tasks with a limited formal education; to live day by day with a huge feeling of overwhelming guilt from a dark past of long, long ago. I also know about being overly blessed when others around you who’ve experienced far worse, work harder, and sacrifice all the more are not as fortunate.”

Those were the words from the preface of Dave Pelzer's Moving Forward which I've been reading almost every night for that dose of motivation and inspiration. The preface was good; I felt his every word and everything he's been through to be where he is today.
Though I must say that the rest of the book was pretty dull, but the preface kick ass!